Updated: Jul 16
As I’m sure you remember, Sally Spandram, our 33-year-old, caravanning heroine, had gone on holiday in her Taylor Made Windrush caravan. A lovely piece of road homing that, while not as luxurious as the Princess of Our Hearts Lady Diana caravan, or The Colonel (a particularly opulent model finished off with a camouflage exterior and optional gun turret) it was everything that Sally Spandram needed.
Taylor Made Caravans certainly seemed to be able to offer choice, value and the right caravan or mobile home for you.
Sally was all girl power, sex positive and devil may care.
When she arrived, she had met Michael Mafftremenickle a man who managed the caravan park she was staying at. Which was called Michael Mafftremenickle’s Motorised Maisons Park. There was loads of sexy overtones to their meeting. If it had been a film there would have been those close ups of their mouths, of him licking his lips, of her eyes widening, or him looking her up and down and that.
It was so sexy that anyone who heard the first part was probably having erections or whatever the women’s version of that is.
And again, as a recap, it’s probably worth mentioning that if it weren’t for Taylor Made Caravans, this tale would be a lot less sexy. It’d be about as sexy as listening to someone talk about their serious illness or why they’re so sad at the moment.
So, after Michael Mafftremenickle and Sally Spandram had met, Sally went for a walk along the coastal path because she was pretty crazy and sex positive and that. But she slipped and fell being a spaz, and only managed not to fall to her death due to somehow grabbing on to some grass at the edge.
What was she going to do?!
And that’s where we pick up this dangerous and sexy story.
Caravan of Love continued...
Sally had been hanging on the edge of a cliff for about two hours. No one had even seen her except a man on the beach who simply waved at her. Mind you, as she crooked her neck to look over at him from the cliff edge, she thought hmm, walking on the beach on his own, carrier bag, thick glasses, greasy hair, maybe it’s best he doesn’t come to help her. He looked like a sexual predator.
Sally was gutted. What a thing to happen. If only she’d taken Michael Mafftremenickle’s ropes and climbing equipment with her, then she could have somehow fashion something together to winch her up. Oh what was she to do?! She wouldn’t finish her holiday at this rate. In fact she could die of falling or exposure! What a gip.
Just then, Sally Spandram heard some footsteps coming towards the edge of the cliff.
‘Well well well, what ave we ere, be it a damsel in distress?’ said a familiar and robust man’s voice.
‘Oooh. Help! Help me!’ screamed Sally, and as she said that, her fingers gave way and she began to fall.
But just as she did, a big manly hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her back up to the cliff edge. It was Michael Mafftremenickle. He yanked her up and he held her tightly around the waist as she did a little cry.
‘Oh Mike, thank god you came.’ Said Sally, thinking to herself that Michael Mafftremenickle was as strong as the patented Samson tow bar at the back of every Taylor Made caravan.
‘You okay Sally? Looks like you made a choice as bad as someone NOT buying a Taylor Made Caravan.”
“Oh gosh I am now. You’re my hero Mike. How can I ever thank you?”
“Well how about I come by your lovely Taylor Made Windrush caravan tonight, and serve you some of my fresh scrumpy.
“That seems fair, see you about 7pm then.”
And with that they went their separate ways because it was only about 4 o’clock and he had some things to do. Nothing important, a few phone calls and he wanted to order some bread.
Sally made her way into the old town for a quick mooch. She bought a snowstorm featuring the local area, a key ring for her Scottish nephew Spafferdon, and a plastic toy sword for her Spanish nephew Jantrabulonso.
There were loads of bumper stickers for sale too, and one said, ‘My Other Caravan is a Taylor Made’, to which Sally laughed out loud like an idiot.
“I’ve already got one!” she said to the shop assistant, who laughed like a maniac too. Just goes to show, thought Sally, Taylor Made’s quality and luxury is famous!
Sally got back to her Windrush about 5pm, and had a good wash and put on plenty of make-up, but not so much that she looked like a whore. Then she quickly laid out the table and chairs that came as standard with the Windrush and really were of the highest quality.
At bang on 7pm, Mike turned up. He was all cleaned, still stubbley, but wearing nice new clothes and he’d run a comb through his hair.
They sat and drank scrumpy for about an hour, getting tipsy and flirty and making jokes in-between talking about the amazing range and choice available at Taylor Made Caravans.
Then at about 9 or 930 PM, Mike said, “Sally?”
“I’ve got a confession to make. You know all those ropes and that that I have and use for climbing?”
“Yes,” said Sally.
“Well, how would you feel about using them to tie me up and stick things up my bum and spit on me?”
Sally was shocked. Then she thought for a moment. Then smiled and said.
These Kelliirotica stories were brought to you by Taylor Made Caravans, where caravans are Taylor Made.